Her Crown and Glory, No Hair and DO Care!

When my oncologist was giving me the run down on what to expect from chemo I think the only thing I heard during that initial conversation was that I would lose my hair…all of it!

Other people were like “Everybody doesn’t lose their hair you might be ok.” What these folks didn’t know is that is true… However, its because all chemotherapy drugs are not the same. My chemo cocktail was the kind that resulted in total hair loss. My Oncologist (being a trained professional and all) knew exactly what the side effects would be and was managing my expectations accordingly.

Someone else meaning well told me about the chemo cold cap system that could help save my hair but would be expensive, cold, and inconvenient.

Then there was everyone else saying “ITS JUST HAIR. IT WILL GROW BACK!” Yes, true but it was my hair and it didn’t FEEL as simple as that. The thought of my hair falling out or coming out in big clumps was scary. The control freak in me was like just get a cute short haircut to ease into baldness…

So 2 days after my 1st chemotherapy treatment I went to a salon with my best friends and we got our hair cut while one documented the process. I was there but not there. I held my ponytail in my hand as my heart was slowly breaking… not solely because of the hair loss but the REASON for the haircut and what else would be cut… My heart was slowly breaking in millions of pieces because I knew CHANGE was coming but I didn’t know how or what to expect and I wasn’t in control…this was just the beginning and it scared the shit out of me. My friends knew this and made many sacrifices (not just hair…time, money, resources, and more) to FIGHT with me and let me know I would never be alone on this journey.

Looking back on this now, I have to say I would’ve done it differently… I would’ve had my head shaved bald… 11 days after the haircut my scalp and eyelids started feeling weird. It was like tingling and hurting. Exactly 14 days after my 1st chemo my hair was coming out… falling like snow everywhere…just touching it lightly it was coming out, laying down it was all over the pillow, riding in the car with the window cracked it was blowing out. I had these crazy patches in my hair and I was freaking out totally traumatized…

My husband pulled out his clippers while my BFF face-timed on my iPad. WE shaved my head. I’m certain it was as traumatizing for me as it was for him and this was just the beginning of a long journey…

Cuttin your hair by choice is much different from losing your hair because of cancer. There are a plethora of self-image issues that arise for breast cancer patients that only breast cancer patients understand. Someone somewhere is going through this right now… my message is you have every right to feel however you feel… be it sad, angry, or indifferent. As you process your feelings remember this is the beginning of a fight. Put on your boxing gloves and FIGHT LIKE A GROWN ASS WOMAN CHAMP!!! You Got This! This too will pass!!!! You are NOT your hair or your skin. YOU ARE THE SOUL THAT LIVES WITHIN!

Optimal Health and Wellness Affirmations

I have the power to control my health.
I’m in control of my health and wellness.
I have abundant energy, vitality, and well-being.
I’m healthy in all aspects of my being.
I don’t fear being unhealthy as I know that I control my own body.
I’m always able to maintain my ideal weight.
I’m filled with energy to do all the daily actions in my life.
My mind is at peace.
I love and care for my body and it cares for me.
I’m healthy, happy, and transformed!
I give myself permission to heal.
My natural state is health. I’m cloaked in energy.
My energy field shines with clear brightness.
I’m well in my thoughts and at ease in my body.
I’ve the stamina and energy to do all the things I love!
I’m now perfectly healthy in body, mind and spirit.
I feed my body with self-nurturing and fit nutrition.
I’m enjoying optimal health.
I’m rediscovering the art of allowing my natural wellbeing.
My health is excellent and I’m perfectly fit.
I have abundant energy, vitality and well-being.
I’ve all levels of energy – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.
I have a fit spirit, mind and body.
I take 4 deep, relaxing breaths at least once each 90 minutes.
I drink a glass of fresh, good water each ninety minutes.
I do sit-ups or push-ups, and yoga upon arising every morning.
I do half-hour of vigorous walking or aerobic exercise daily.
I do strength training (including push-ups and lunges) at least 3 times a week, alternating between the muscles.
I take suitable nutrition for my body and mind.
I’m healthy, happy and radiant.
I am healthy, and full of vitality and energy.
I accept health as my normal state.
Daily in every way, I am feeling energetic and enthusiastic.